I Don't Have To Wonder
by Amanda M. Daugherty
Summary: Someone's point of view of a wedding.


Title: I don't have to wonder  
Author: Amanda M. Daugherty  
E-mail: Country_girl_2003@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG-13   
Classification: Angst  
Spoilers:  
Summary: Harm and Mac's wedding according to Mic.  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own JAG or the song.  
  
WARNING  
WARNING  
WARNING  
THIS DEALS WITH DEATH IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. IF THIS  
WILL BOTHER YOU PLEASE DON'T  
READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
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Annapolis Naval Academy Chapel  
Annapolis, MD  
  
I can't believe that I'm here. Sarah asked me to  
come. Can you believe that? She asked me to come to  
her wedding when less than a year ago she was going  
to marry me. I don't know how it happened. I don't  
know if I did something wrong, but if I had the  
chance I would go back and do it differently. Maybe  
if I did it differently it would be me and her  
inside that church instead of her and Rabb.  
I can imagine what she looks like. She's  
probably a vision of beauty. Harriet is probably in  
there pinning roses in her hair. That's their theme,  
Roses because of where they met and where he  
proposed. Harm's mother Trish is probably in there  
with his grandmother telling stories of their  
wedding and Harm as a child. Chloe, Mac's little  
sister is there. Sarah told me that she was a  
bridesmaid along with Carylon Imes. Harriet of  
course was the matron of honor. Harm's best man was  
Lt. Commander Jack Keeter and groomsmen were Bud and  
Clayton Webb. Each will toast the bride and groom at  
the reception. Sarah wanted me to say something, but  
what was I to say? Should I have said that I wish  
she didn't marry Rabb, that I still love her, and  
she should run off with me? Should I tell her what I  
think of her new husband, that he's a lying,  
arrogant, pig-headed, SOB? I couldn't do that to  
Sarah. Not on her wedding day.   
I was supposed to be on a plane to Australia  
right now, but I couldn't leave without seeing how  
she looked. That's why I'm sitting in my truck  
waiting for the doors to open and her and Harm come  
out. I still have five minutes to wait. I look over  
and see the limo driver leaning up against his car,  
white and pastel purple balloons tied to it. Just  
married was written on the back window. That should  
have been our car. The limo driver glances at his  
watch and flicks the cigarette out of his hands and  
onto the blacktop. Maybe he's got another.   
As I watch the cigarette burn out like our  
relationship. I wonder what would happen if I went  
in there and stopped the wedding. I would love to do  
that, but I can't, not to Sarah. I wonder if  
realizes how big of a mistake she's making. Will she  
come running out of the church her white dress  
blowing behind her? Would Harm come running after  
her? A sad, depressed look on his face. Would he  
feel like I do now?  
I see the doors open and several men walk out to  
form the arch of steel. I glance at my watch and  
their right on time. What else from Sarah. I look  
back up just in time to see Sarah and Rabb walk out  
the door arm and arm, huge smiles on their faces.  
Sarah looks just like I imagined. I look at her one  
last time before I drive off. No one ever saw me.  
I'm already late for my flight so why bother  
going to the airport. I'll catch the next one. As I  
drive across this small country bridge, a river  
flowing below it I look at the ring that's laying  
beside me on the seat. It's the ring I gave Sarah a  
long time ago. The one she gave back to me when she  
told me she was going to marry Rabb. I pull off to  
the side of the road and park my rental truck.  
Getting out I grab the ring and stare at it one last  
time and think about what might have been. I can  
feel the sting of a tear as I pull my arm back and  
let the ring fly from my hands. I stare at it till  
it reaches the river and I can't see it anymore. The  
ring is gone, lost to the world. No one will ever  
miss it, it has no place in the world anymore. Just  
like me.  
The more I think about the ring, I think about  
my life. I gave up my career and my home for Sarah  
but I didn't get anything in return. Before I know  
what I'm doing I'm on the other side of the rail. I  
stare down at the river that flows below me. My life  
is just like the ring. No one will miss me, I have  
no place anymore.   
I release my hold on the rail and slowly lean  
forward. My feet slip from the bridge and before I  
know it I'm falling faster and faster toward the  
river. I can swim after all I'm was in the RAN, but  
I don't try now. I let my arms hang loosely as I  
think about all that could have been with Sarah. I  
can feel the water rise above my mouth as I think  
about our wedding. As I think about how kids the  
water rises over my nose. I can't breathe anymore.  
As I think about growing old together the water  
covers my eyes and the rest of my head. I left  
myself fall to the bottom before I feel like I'm  
floating. Floating to where I don't know. All I know  
is now I don't have to wonder anymore.   
  
  
"Drove to the church  
In my suit and tie  
But I just couldn't bring myself  
To go inside"  
  
"So I sat alone  
In my truck across the street  
Watched that chauffeur smokin' cigarettes  
By that long white limousine"  
  
"I could just imagine  
What was going on in there  
Sunlight streamin' through the stained glass  
And those flowers in her hair"  
  
"And in less time than it take a tear to fall  
Those bells rang loud as thunder  
As they opened up the doors  
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"  
  
"Laughin' and a cryin'  
Tossin' that bouquet  
And when you got in that limo  
I drove off the other way"  
  
"And I still don't know  
Why things happened like they did  
But I parked that old pickup  
On that lonesome river bridge"  
  
"I took your ring from my pocket  
And I held it one last time  
Watched that diamond sparkle  
I drew back and I let her fly"  
  
"And in less time than it takes a tear to fall  
Oh that old ring went under  
And now it's gone for sure  
And I don't have to wonder anymore"  
  
"Well the angels sang like thunder  
As I felt myself go under  
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
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FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  



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